This is Why I’m Sitting On The Couch
I’ve been sitting on the couch for most of my life. I’ve trained Homer Simpson in the art of couch sitting. I’ve peeled more couch potatoes than needed to feed all the soldiers in the world for a year. And I’m a certified lazy pancake from the Lazy Pancake Institute.
These are credentials to be taken seriously. Enough to give credibility and authenticity to my couch-sitting claims:
1! It’s comfy
Never underestimate the need for comfortable sitting. Whether for back problems or hemorrhoids, once in a while, anyone needs to take a break from Jordan Peterson’s first rule for life (“ Stand up straight with your shoulders straight”). As an ardent Peterson supporter, I never sit nor lie on my couch without my fluffy lobster (I call him Jordan).
2! Cats love lying on the couch
And cats know their stuff when it comes to being lazy pancakes. They’re the true masters. That’s why the board of directors at the Lazy Pancake Institute is solely composed of cats. And as any respectable director, they go out for lunch, come back at three p.m. and have a nap till the end of the workday.
3! I don’t have a choice
My partner annexed the kitchen table last March and didn’t let go ever since. The couch is the only decent option to keep my current job. “The toilet seat is not a decent option,” said my previous boss upon firing my ass.
4! It’s a therapy thing
My therapist insisted I should keep on the introspective work between sessions. Sitting on the couch puts me in the right mindset. Especially since I own the same couch as he does. I purchased it after falling asleep there a few times. (I suspect my therapist chose this model for this very purpose, by the way).
5! My therapist is a Jungian, and I hate him
I am in the hate phase of our love/hate relationship. Carl Jung said: “ Were it not for the leaping and twinkling of the soul, man would rot away in his greatest passion, idleness.” I know it’s self-destructive, but I want to rot away and prove my therapist wrong.
6! There’s food between the pillows
Mostly pop-corn coming from our last binge-watching session. We enjoyed some couch movies in chronological order: (it was scary), The Big Comfy Couch, Couch Surf, Couch Potatoes (my personal favorite), and Couch Connections.
7! I’m a cuddling master
As such, I’m always ready to cuddle. And I guarantee there’s no better place in my apartment than the couch to do so. Come and join me on the couch! Let us hug!
