S(i)x tips from a Tinder Veteran
Create a fake account
To stand out from the competition, you need to know the competition. Opening a fake account of the opposite sex gives you three huge benefits. First, you get an unlimited access to potentially great, non-copyrighted, material: Tinder bios and one-liners are up for grab and future use!Second, lots of great ideas for pictures. Third, you can make the competition bitter and frustrated by sending really bad one-liners or setting them up on fake dates where you never show up. Dejected, they’ll have a breakdown and leave Tinder for a while, that’s when you step in!
Test your profile on your ex.
Granted, this might be tricky. Even assuming you’re still talking to each other, they’re most likely not willing to admit being on Tinder. However, they certainly have a friend that is and that will show them your profile as soon as they stumble upon it. Your ex will then feel comfortable to come back to you with comments. One of the best feedback you can get is: «It doesn’t look like you» (for whatever reason, that’s not important). What it really means is: «Damn! that profile is too good, I don’t want you to find someone faster than I do».
At one point, you’ll want to increase this Tinder distance, don’t.
Imagine, it’s 1AM, you’re desperate and gloomy, future looks lonely and murky, and you’ve already swiped your way in the 2 miles radius. Don’t increase the distance! You’ll do it anyway of course, but don’t, seriously! Proximity (with familiarity and similarity) is the top reason people are falling in love. Long distance (that’s 3 miles and more) relationships are extremely hard to maintain and even harder to start. Living close enough to your love interest increases your chances of transforming a phone call into sweaty sex by a whooping 244% (based on a non-existing study). Just stay in this comfy 2 miles radius, plenty of fish there!
What if I live on the countryside?
Good question! First you don’t really want your close neighbours to know that you’re looking around, do you? So, geolocate yourself in the nearest decently sized city centre. Anyway, you’ll have to travel to meet with your dates. Better to combine it with a trip to the city! And, best case scenario, this one cute neighbour you’ve a crush on did exactly the same!
Use OkCupid
It works better! They have hilarious (and useful) questions like the one about the taste of beer. Asking directly if someone is willing to have sex on the first date can be seen as awkward (go figure!), but offering to share a beer is always a nice gesture. And OkCupid data scientists have found that «if you like the taste of beer, you’re 60% more likely to have sex on a first date». Questions are good for filtering too, if only because users are more likely willing to date since they took the time to fill in their profile.
Learn how to cook
It won’t bring you anywhere but at least you’ll be able to feed yourself! No, seriously, it’s a winner! Nothing is easier than skidding from the dinner table to the couch. Read there for more on this one.
Pro-tip: nothing is more romantic than doing the dishes together and having a kiss over the sink. It’s a flash-forward to the happy married life pictured in any romcom!
May you find your Tinder Joy!
