More Tips From a Tinder Slut

Photo by Oladimeji Ajegbile from Pexels

Don’t put Crazy in your Vagina

And don’t put your dick in crazy either! But, you need to go for at least one (short) date with a crazy person. It makes for an excellent story. I’m not talking about your married/coupled/whatever friends, they’re so «dating-life deprived» that any story is good for them. No, the crazy date story is brilliant material to share with your other dates. First, it’ll create a sense of intimacy between the both of you (one of the three pillars of love with passion and commitment). Second, you’ll have a good laugh together. And third, you’ll be more attractive thanks to the «crazy date effect», working in a similar fashion to the «ugly friend effect». Sounds good, doesn’t it? It’s worth the purgatory of a date with crazy (which could turn out surprisingly well).

Go for the foreigner touch

I mean literally! Exotic fruits always taste good. A friend of mine was sharing her adventure with a Brazilian: «He lives in an other country, is in the middle of a divorce and has three teenage kids, but the sex was AMAZING». Dating a foreigner will feel like having a vacation crush, bringing to mind relaxing and frolicking pictures of sandy beaches. And if all goes well, you’ll never have to argue about the next holiday’s destination again.

In which language to write your profile?

Excellent question! It’s linked to the previous one. Assuming you aren’t living in a primarily English speaking country, the question actually is shall you write your profile in English or the local language? Depends on your plans! Will you be Tinder-travelling to other countries? Are you a Citizen of the world? Or would you like to play the «foreigner card» in your own neighbourhood?!
Pro-tip: If you want to seriously filter your potential matches, write your profile in latin or ancient greek.

Should you lie on your age?

Obviously! By now you must have noticed that stores are using these 29.99 prices all the time. Our brain is as lazy as a sloth and stops at the first number, so 29.99 reads 20. Conversely, and crucially in our case, 30.99 reads the same as 39.99. So, once you hit the 30 or 40 bar, you’re immediately pushed 9 years forward to 39 or 49 and your playing field is very different. You should be the one deciding what your playing field looks like, not your age, it’s just a number! Anyway, it’s not really lying, it’s marketing! It’s like the restaurants showing prices without taxes and gratuities. When the topic is discussed (that’s a good sign, it means you got a date), just say that it’s your age without taking into account all the hours spent having sex.

May Yir Tinder fun end in tears of joy!

More tips? Here you go: S(i)x Tips from a Tinder Veteran

--

--

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
Smillew Rahcuef

VP of Imagination @CanYouImagine? • Satirist • No need to follow me, I’ll show up in your feed • smillewrahcuef@gmail.com