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VP of Imagination @CanYouImagine? • Follow me for ideas that make box outside the think • smillewrahcuef@gmail.com

Winner winner kicker kicker

Photo by Ali Beilankouhi

Oh My!

I’m so emotional. I can barely type these words: I won, you didn’t.

YES!

In a contest, it’s never about winning. It’s about everybody else losing. And I did it. I won. You lost. I’m repeating myself, I know, but it feels so good.

THANKS!

So many people I would like to thank; above all, me, myself, and I.

I could go on forever, but I’ll be reasonable and stick to my favorite topics: Work, Reentry, Space, Death, and Myself.

Work thanks

That was a slog. Can you believe I even edited my winning article? First time ever. It was…


Do you like challenges?
How many links can you follow? How many articles can you read and comment on? Check out your strength below! Badges to win and easter-eggs to find!

All the links below are FREE LINKS, enjoy!

New story of the month! It’s a commencement address, it’s a serious one, and I would love to know your answers: Who Are Your Heroes?

Click here for my all-time most-read stories (they happen to be about Sex).

An example, => 5 Things I Do to Maintain Sexual Tension in My Marriage

Personal Favorites (updated every time…


DEAR DIARY

Photo by Timo Wielink

In my first Twitter experiment, I shared the wisdom of Albert Hundertsein.

This one is a metaphor for the startup world.

It’s also a metaphor of your articles getting viral or not. If you don’t publish in the right publication at the right time, try again.

For the next 30 days, I’ll pick a place and tweet the time.

If you’re not at the right place or the right time when you read the tweet, try the following day.

As Medium members, I’ll give you an edge. Below you’ll find the complete list of the cities, along with random times…


Two headed horse tails

Digital art piece by Fox Kerry

Soon you all will see what is inside of me. It’s hideous, but it has to come out. It’s destroying my insides, and I can’t dam-keep it anymore.

Your protection was my mission.

I lasted as long as I could; it wasn’t enough. I failed. Now it’s your turn.

Chef,

We know why I took those photos with you. I knew some day my family might learn my indiscretions. I don’t know what to do for you, or what those others require. I know your future’s at stake. I’m willing to consider my part. Don’t recklessly involve me, please.

My…


Ripping some pretty strong farts with my wife - photo by Cristobal Baeza

Yes.

I’m ready to go that low for clicks. Wouldn’t you do the same?

He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a fart.

The question is, am I famous enough to rip this one?

According to research by David B. Clear, Ph. D., only famous people can tweet something as stinky as I just farted and get thousands of likes, replies, and shares.

We’re here to prove him wrong.

We both know I’m not famous⁴².

But I don’t need to be famous to fart, nor for people to appreciate this exquisite wisecrack. I only need to get viral.

That’s where you can…


Photo by Gabor Monori

My toilets are clogged, and I can’t do anything about it. If I call the local plumber, he’ll tell his wife. She’ll repeat it to Emily during their morning coffee, and from there, it’ll spread everywhere. The whole downtown will know why my toilets got clogged, and that’s not something I’m ready to deal with, not after last Thanksgiving’s adventures.

If I call Paul, the plumber from Shorona, it will be worse. He’ll make fun of the local plumber — again. He’ll say even the neighbors don’t trust the locals to deal with crap. The local plumber will hate me…


DEAR DIARY

My new car by Nick Fewings. Can’t wait to get to 777 followers! :D

500 followers! Can you imagine?

Here’s what I would like to shout at the top of my lungs if they could hear me like my neighbors did this morning.

Dear Followers,
Thank you so much for being there. I’ll give my best to keep you entertained!
Smillew, VP of Imagination.

10 Things I will do to celebrate today

  1. Write a thank-you note!
  2. Throw my undies in the air
  3. Publish the thank you note in Dear Diary, because Rocky rocks, Paul is the man, and Emily, well, it’s right now or never.
  4. Eat Pizza
  5. Delete an old article that nobody’s reading
  6. Drink coffee
  7. Try to make people click on…


CHALLENGING HUMOR — EXTENDED

Photo by Patrick McManaman on Unsplash. I left Unsplash for Holly J See.

So, Medium couldn’t keep up with the number of entries in the Medium Writers Challenge — MWC — and postponed the results reveal for early October.

Boo, Medium, boo¹!

On the other hand, Lucky you.

After consultation with the Cap’, the Smillew Writers Challenge — SWC — got extended as well. As long as the MWC results will remain unknown, the SWC will be open for entries.

And I’m here to tell you I will keep up with the number of entries. No matter what. The challenge has been a huge success so far, with many entries. Mostly by myself.


100 WORDS

Photo by Matthew Henry

Reuben saw Keanu Reeves’ penis once, and I was there. The dazzling schlong¹ was too much. Reuben fainted, hit his head on the floor, and almost died.

I was in dismay. I couldn’t do anything.

Keanu, undaunted, reacted at full speed. He took a deep breath, kneeled in front of Reuben, and farted in his face.

“What the Matrix, Keanu? Are you flying?” I said, feeling Minnesota. “You know farting on a dying man is a sacrilege, right?”

“Don’t worry, little Buddha; I’m the cool Hawaiian breeze². It’s my superpower. I can save dying people by farting in their face.”


THAT IS FUNNY

Art by Author. That font is called Baskerville Old Face.

Some people want to get rid of the word “that.”

I disagree strongly with that.

That’s no way to treat such a beautiful word.

“That” is so stunning that I want to write acrostic poetry.

Read that!

That

Has a special sound. That’s for sure. Of

All the words that I know, it’s my favorite. Which one do you say?

That

That was something. Right?

I have many testimonies to prove that I’m not the only one to think so.

Smillew Rahcuef

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